30 things I learned in 30 years - an adieu to 2016.



I turned 30 this year and with 2016 ending in just a few days, I thought I'd share some wisdom I picked up over the course of my tweens, teens, mid and late 20's. I know, right? So much fucking wisdom. *eyeroll* And no, this is not one of those "new year new me" preachy manifestos. You do you boo.  I'm still the same ol' piece of shit I was last year. Something tells me not much will change. All of these 30 items are absolutely experience based and rooted in personal opinion. Took me about six months to complete this post and here you go folks: lessons by the 30 year old witch who will kill your joy somewhere somehow.

1. Truth does not matter. People will always believe what they want to believe and let them. Trying to convince someone is an absolute waste of time and energy. You do you and your life. Let go of the rest. I wasted so much energy focusing on other people's perceptions and opinions of me, I forgot what its like to be a real person. The more you know yourself and what you want, the less you let things upset you.
2. Skin care is everything. If I can give you ONE beauty advice (and I have A LOT), it would be to take care of your skin. Pay attention to ingredients. Pay attention to what your skin is asking of you. What works for someone, may not work for you. Test it, try it, repeat it until you have your own routine. Moisturize, moisturize and then moisturize some more. And stop fucking tanning.
3. Diets are a waste of time. Portion control is EVERYTHING. I dropped about 20 lbs. in the last two years by not eating shit food and lowering the amount. Still love my Chinese food tho. Gimme all that kung pao bitch.
4. Humans are complex creatures. Good person is capable of doing bad. Bad person is capable of goodness. Drawing a black dot on a white sheet of paper does not dismiss the whole paper, no matter how hard people stare and focus on the tiny dot.
5. The only way you keep a secret is by telling it to a dead person or an empty hole in the ground.
6. I still can't eat fresh tomatoes.
7. If you don't change your mind about something, you've learned nothing.
8. Stagnancy is the silent killer - physical, mental or emotional - always do something: read, cook, write, fuck, run, travel....just do.
9. Solitude is cleansing. One minute, one day, one week, one year. Your well being and happiness should not depend on another person (parent, sibling, partner.) Know the difference between loneliness and being alone.
10. Every time I judged a girl by her appearance, it was because I was jealous of something. Calling someone fat or ugly will not make you prettier or thinner. Quit being petty.
11. Feminism helped me find my voice, confidence and it raised my self-esteem. On the contrary what the ignorant fuckwads will tell you, feminists are not dykes who eat babies and kill men. Read some shit.
12. Mom was right.
13. If a guy (or girl) wants you, they will do anything to have and keep you. If they are not texting you, calling, messaging, snap-chatting you. If they are not taking you out on coffee, movies, walks..if they are not doing anything big or small: they are NOT interested. Stop wasting your time. Playing games and "will they wont they" at age 17 is cute. At age 30, it's a waste of precious time. Unless you're into that thing. But then, you can't complain and bitch about it. We tend to repeatedly hit ourselves with a hammer. Because it feels good when you stop.
14. Giving advice to others is a waste of time. Just like the truth, it does not matter. People will do whatever the hell they want. Again, let them. Its not your life.
15. Everyone gossips. Deal with it. Friends talking behind your back is a right of passage like baseball and hair bands. You've done it too and don't you dare lie. There is nothing wrong with "gossiping." It becomes a problem when false rumors start ruining someones life.
16. "Life, Love, Laugh" is a stupid fucking quote. Yo mamma did not push you out of her womb so you can tattoo that basic shit on your body. Life is not that simple and boring. (This is as judgmental as I will ever get about someone. Had to get it out of my system.) 
17. If someone does not like you, there is NOTHING you can do to change their mind. Fuck them.
18. Cursing is a sign of passion and caring. I speak from my own experience and from all the potty mouths I've met in my life. Keep on fuckthis-ing.
19. If you're gonna be all high and mighty, if you're gonna be an asshole to someone, look them directly in the eyes.
20. If 20 people do not like you, the problem is YOU.
21. That one person who wants to be friends with EVERYONE, is not your friend.
22. Making friends in adulthood is difficult. I have less patience and even the smallest shit seems like the Mount Everest. But some people are worth an effort.
23. Good sex, good food, good night of sleep and taking a good shit - recipe for a decent life.
24. QUIT ASKING OTHERS WHEN ARE THEY GETTING MARRIED OR HAVING BABIES. I devoted an entire blog post to this.
25. Ex is an ex for a reason.
26. You are not the same person at age 19 and at 30. You shouldn't be.
27. You can know, realize and learn all these 1-30 items and STILL f*ck up, get f*cked up and be sad. Nothing is certain. Nothing is set in stone. That's the beauty and ugliness of human existence.
28. Quit telling others what to do regarding their appearance. Someones fatness (or thinness), plastic surgeries, style, hair length, skin type....not your business. Rule of thumb: if they cannot fix something in less than 2 minutes (food in teeth, toilet paper stuck to the shoe, stain on the white shirt, open zipper, etc) your unsolicited opinion is harmful and unnecessary.
29. Humans are capable of multitasking. I can watch Kardashians AND The Godfather. I can read Twilight AND Dostoevsky. I can give a fuck about Aleppo AND how shitty my week at work has been. We can do ALL those things. Human brain is absolutely magical. 
30. Everyone wants to be happy and wants others to be happy, holding hands, singing kumbaya and drink cold cokes with polar bears n shit... and be shiny and bright little Mary Fucking Sunshines...but you are ABSOLUTELY entitled to your misery, to unhappiness, to tears, to sadness. No one can negate that for you. Starving children in Africa do not negate your existence as a human being...and to feel happiness and joy, you have to experience despair. The real test is how to deal with it and how you grow from it. 

Of course there are more than 30 things I learned and experienced but it was fitting to do 30...in a year that I turned 30. Again, none of these are personal or related to anyone. This is solely my experience as a fellow human being. Just do whatever the f*ck you want. Happy New 2017 Year!