Stop asking when is someone getting married or having a baby.

I'm about to come of as a complete jackass, but what's new? Being at the age that I am (30 gasp!) happily married for over 2 years to a fantastic man, I guess its natural for people to ask but seriously, QUIT ASKING. Its "natural" because of centuries of propagating typical and stereotypical roles for different genders. Women are conditioned to discuss men, other women or babies. I have never seen a man get asked when is he finally getting married or having a baby. Mostly since men don't have an "expiration date."

I cannot tell you what it's like to have a child since I don't have one. Just as you can tell me how life is finally worth living just because you have a child. My worth is based on myself alone. I do not place my value on the role that I play in other people's lives. I refuse to place my worth in someone else's hands. They will drop it EVERY TIME.  I'm a human first....daughter, sister, wife, cousin, friend etc second. I don't want anyone to give a fuck about me just because I'm someone's mother or wife. I want you to give a fuck about me because I'm a person.

People will confuse your feminism with dangerous and hilarious propaganda that we are all lesbian witches who eat babies and kill men. But I'm not here to lecture you or teach you about feminism. You are a big girl/boy. Read books. Read articles. Talk to people. Experience things. Open your mind to different points of view. Or stay stagnant, I don't give a shit.

With all of these different topics convulsed into one possibly confusing opening statement, I'm here to ask you...wait no...to TELL YOU: quit asking other people when are they getting married or having children. Why? Its absolutely NONE of your business. 7 billion people are experiencing life differently every day. Grasp this fact, wrap it around your brain and maybe, just maybe you will realize that the center of the universe does not revolve around you and your terrible opinion on how someone else should live their life.

I guess my other goal in this post is to come up with reasons why we ask these questions to begin with and why is it that mostly women get asked, so don't even come to me with that #notallmen bullshit.

Marriage and babies are personal decisions. They work for some and they most definitely do not work for others. Asking these questions only propagates that marriage and children are the ULTIMATE goal in life. Maybe they are for you. Nothing wrong with it. It becomes wrong when you tell others to have the same goal. Stop telling people what to do. Since marriage was one of the goals for me personally, I got married. Do I want children? (Even when I ask myself that question, it feels...off.) Some days I do...some I don't. Its called human complexity. I have other goals. Marriage was just one of them. My life and my fight does not end with a shiny ring on my finger. I want to do well at work. I want to network. Be a good sister and daughter to my family. Save a couple of animals. Participate in Slutwalks. Be a decent friend. I have ton of goals. Important ones and not so much. Most people do.

When I fuck up royally...and we all do, I want to be able to recognize it.

I'll admit right now that I'm guilty of asking both of those questions multiple times to multiple women (yes women only - depressing as fuck.)  I admit that I had placed the value of my female friends on their inability to get married. I admit how wrong I am and how sorry I am.

"When are you gonna get married?"
"When will you have a baby?"

And I have never ever asked men in my life these questions. I recognize that now. I recognize my own internalized sexism. Aside from sexist tropes placed upon women, the main reason you should quit asking people about marriage and babies is simple: you have NO clue what people are going thru in their life. If someone chooses to share details of their life with you, ask away. Other than that, just stop.

Infertility, miscarriage, abortion, bad financial situation, bad marriage, domestic abuse, rape, mental illness, physical illness, illness of a parent, caring for elderly parents, career, traveling - there are MILLION reasons why someone is not married or is childless. You never know what kind of wound you are opening by asking these questions. You never know who is grieving over a miscarriage or a stillborn infant. You never know who got out of a terrible relationship that left them with scars, physical and/or mental. YOU DONT KNOW, therefore quit asking. It is none of your godamn business.

The questions might be innocent, but you don't know the pain, grief, stress and frustration they might be bringing to someone. It does not matter how well you mean....someone's fertility, marriage and lack thereof is NONE of your business. Unmarried woman over 30 is not worthless. That idea needs to die painfully.

These questions are intrusive, they can be painful, they can open serious wounds, but why would you give a fuck about other people? What matters is your life, your opinion and how will you shove it down someone's throat. Get the fuck outta here.

If you are truly and sincerely interested in someone's life, ask them what was the best part of their day.  To end this post, I'd like to apologize to anyone whose privacy I have violated. I had no bad intentions. I also had no business asking. You will never hear me ask those intrusive questions again and I will with just as much ease, tell you to quit asking.